On the eve of the sequel to the only Tyler Perry flick I loved, "Why Did I Get Married," came the idea of: Why DIDN'T I Get Married? In the movie "Why Did I Get Married" 4 couples go on a retreat, all of which are married with their own set of issues and realize what is necessary to make their relationships work. I was planning to get married at one point, but I realized to make a relationship flourish there needs to be communication, honesty, and intimacy.
Communication is key. I would argue that communication is the number one reason why relationships fail. Too often are two individuals compelled to each other but they can't express themselves appropriately. This comes from any number of reasons. The inability to appropriately express can stem from being rejected in the past, arguments stemming from expression or being able to be blunt in the past. Nobody likes rejection. It's discouraging to express yourself if you fear an argument will ensue. Arguments are healthy as long as both parties listen and offer their piece. If you're accustomed to being blunt in expressing yourself and your new companion isn't accustomed to receiving blunt statements it can cause the communication to break down. No matter how you choose to communicate both parties have to come to an agreement on what's the best way to communicate to the other. At the end of the day if the line of communication is broken, it becomes difficult to be honest or to believe in your partner.
Honesty is the best policy. It's so cliche but it's so true. If you can't be honest in a relationship, it's destined for failure. The problem with honesty is the fact that the truth hurts (also cliche). Nobody wants to be hurt and not many people want to hurt someone they care about by being honest. Therefore we as people lie to our partner or lie to ourselves, to protect our fragile egos and hearts. Nobody likes to be told about themselves, especially from somebody they care about. It's a tough pill to swallow when the one person you have in your life by choice, is ripping you apart for your shortcomings etc. This ties into the aforementioned communication factor. It needs to be clear HOW to be honest to your partner. If not, your words will be consistently taken out of context. That in itself has a domino effect which ultimately can make one feel that they can't be honest. Honesty and trust go hand-in-hand. If the two of you can be honest in such a way it doesn't seem intentionally hurtful it's easier to trust that person and grow with them.
Intimacy is just as important as communication and honesty. It's also the trickiest aspect. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship and the intimacy factor is nonexistent. You can honestly communicate your feelings for someone all day everyday and it will hold little to no weight if it isn't expressed through various forms of intimacy. It could be hugging, kissing, cuddling, sex, or any number of intimate gestures. These gestures often have a positive effect and help reaffirm the your value within the relationship. Women often recognize how serious the intimacy factor is better than men. Men typically only take heed of the need for sex. If both parties recognize but from different perspectives it can have a negative effect. For instance if the communication has failed or the man is being dishonest, women have the tendency to withhold the sexual aspect of being intimate. Depending on the man, it could drive him outside the relationship, but not always. If a woman isn't honest or doesn't communicate why she's withholding from being intimate, it could be misinterpreted. For example, it could be interpreted as she is no longer interested in being intimate or worse, she's getting that else where and neither may be the case. Intimacy always adds another dynamic to a relationship, which is why when this dynamic is missing, the relationship takes a turn for the worse majority of the time. If either party has an issue in this department, they need to communicate and be honest to prevent the relationship from going in reverse.
If you haven't seen "Why Did I Get Married" you should see it before you see "Why Did I Get Married Too." Tyler Perry did an excellent job in the first movie conveying how communication, honesty, and intimacy all tie into the greater success for a marriage. I don't know what his inspiration for the movies were but after my own experience, seeing others, and watching this movie for the umpteenth time, I realized that Communication, Honesty, and Intimacy are all equally important in ANY relationship...And that's What JLB Thinks.
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Today's post is one that I have been prolonging for the simple fact that I just did not want to touch on it. I tried to stay away from it and wait for it to come to me before I discuss it with you all. Well that day arrived yesterday and if you're reading this while on the time clock at your job, I suggest you save this for later. What I want to do today is is open the door and invite you to enter, racial relationships.
It's no secret that I'm a knowledgeable man when it comes to wireless devices. Yesterday this young Brother who could not have been any older than 12 years old came up to me and asked me if I had any idea what was wrong with his cell phone because he could no longer send or receive text messages. Immediately I'm thinking "who the hell are you texting anyway at your age?" but I was a kid once, I underwent puberty, so I smiled when it hit me that's the age when girls scouts start looking good, and the boy scouts start to pitch tents...in their pants.
So I smiled at the kid and told him not to worry, I'd get his phone up and running in no time. So I asked him to give me the phone so I could look at it and there is this picture of a little girl on his wallpaper. A non-black girl at that. Immediately I was taken back by this because for one I was not expecting to see a little girl on his wallpaper and even if I was expecting it, I would have never guessed it would be a non-black girl. I say non-black because I'm not sure what her ethnicity was. So I asked the young Brother, "who is this your girlfriend?" and he replied "Yes." Immediately after he responded he got this timid look on his face as if he knew what my next question was, like he had been battling this demon, since he put the picture up. So I had to ask, he's a young Brother, I need to know these things. I asked "You get the panties yet?"
I'm kidding I didn't ask him that!
I didn't ask him anything. Once he said that was his girlfriend I smiled and did what he asked me to do which was get his phone working again. He thanked me for it and he went on about his business, his non-black business I assume.
Interracial relationships are so much more common in 2008 then they were in 1958 yet it's still frowned upon by a boat load of people, no pun intended.
I said I was taken back because I wouldn't expect a brother so young to have a girlfriend who wasn't of his ethnic background. Beauty is beauty don't get me wrong, but when you're young you don't understand, which is another reason why I smiled at the situation. When I was that age, I had a non-black girlfriend, I think she was from Saudi-Arabia or something. To this day I don't really know. It didn't matter to me that she wasn't black, all I cared about was that I liked her, and she liked me back. That's all that mattered.
In 2008 that's all that should matter, but sadly it doesn't matter to people who are on the outside looking in. When I had that girlfriend my mom didn't even like her calling the house. Not because I was too young to talk on the house phone to a girl, but when my mom answered the phone, the girl "sounded white." That in itself is the most ridiculous thing ever, but hey that was the deal. That's my mom and I love her for everything she is and isn't. The girl sounded white and it pissed my mom off and she was rude to the girl every time she called. Come to think of it my high school sweetheart, if you want to call her that, has a "white name," "sounded white" when she called, and the first time my mom saw her, her face hit the floor.
What I realize now that I'm older is that my mom wanted the best for me, and in her eyes the best for me was what she had always envisioned for me. Needless to say that wasn't some "white" girl or "white sounding" girl. I never understood how one could sound or act a color but people say it all the time.
America puts on this front as if there are no more racial tensions and everything is equal but it's not and I think that's the biggest reason why women, generally Black women, don't like the idea of a Black man with any other ethnic group. To a Sister it comes across like "white women can have anything in the world, they got to have Black men too!?!?" I use the word Sister for a lot of reasons, one being the fact that they are MY SISTERS as one of my best friends says. It should be painfully obvious that they are MY SISTERS because they are not HIS, although, he like me, is a Black man. He's my boy and I love him like a brother, but he prefers non-black women and we debate about this all the time. He swears that his mentality is not that he doesn't like Black women, it's that he prefers anything other than Black and if she is Black by no means can she be BLACK, she has to be light, bright, almost white or white. Anything other than Black.
That's his thing, I'm not mad at him, I'm all for his success but the problem is what he does is generalize much of what a man experiences with a Sister as a scenario that you will only experience with a Sister. I use this friend of mine as an example because he represents much of what is wrong with the world. The world is brainwashed into Whitney Houston, crack head delusions that Black "is wack." For instance if a conversation comes up when all our boys get together and somebody mentions how a Sister got mad over something that seemed insignificant, to him his reasoning is justified. In reality WOMEN in general have the tendency to get upset over things that seem insignificant to men. It's a woman thing. It's not an ethnic thing.
I personally prefer a Sister over any other race and that's the norm. There are more people on earth who prefer their own kind over another because there are just some things that as a Black man you won't understand about the hispanic culture or the white woman won't understand about the Black culture, or whatever the interracial combo is. I find a lot of women from different ethnic backgrounds to be extremely attractive but the flip side is I've seen more attractive Sisters than any other ethnic group of women, but that's me.
Let a Sister tell it, Brothers sell out to white women because they aren't strong enough to deal with a Black woman. That may be true but I'm not 100% sure about that. What I am sure about is Sisters hate to see attractive brothers with white women. Sisters are already self conscious about enough things as it is and seeing that doesn't help. They feel as if white women are sluts and submissive and essentially become slaves to the Black penis because they'll do whatever a Black man tells them to do sexually or in general. I'm not sure about whether that is the case because I'm not proficient in the art of the snow bunny (white woman). What I do know is that there are a few guys who have had one or two white women and they feel like they are all kinky.
LET ME GO ON RECORD AND SAY THIS, BLACK WOMEN ARE KINKY TOO!
I'll admit it, I don't know much about snow bunnies and honestly I don't care to know about them. I have white friends that I hang out with, but I don't like hanging out in the places they frequent because there is always a group of "smoking hot" white women who'll approach us and they're all giddy and what not, and then they're snickering to one another like "who's the token?" That in itself is enough to turn me off of white women.
Hispanic women get the pass because generally they grow up in urban areas or in areas in there native land that resemble the "ghettos" of America. Hispanic women in they eyes of Black women are lighter skinned Sisters who just so happen to be fluent in another language.
Asian women aspire to be white women because they get "white washed" causing them to lose any connection with their ancestry and in turn they adopt the white American practices and way of life. In the eyes of a Sister, she's a CaucASIAN.
Two women were having a conversation around me, one of which was Pakistani the other was Nigerian. They were speaking on their preferences and how they would only marry men from their respective countries. The Pakistani girl asked the Nigerian girl whether or not she has ever dated an "American" and her response was "hell no, I only date Nigerians." The Nigerian girl in turn asks me if I ever dated a Nigerian girl and I responded accordingly...
"HELL NO!" And she wants to look at me like I'm crazy after she just disrespected me and every Brother from America. Then to add insult to injury she proceeds to say "If you ever get a chance to date one, you should. We're the best." Ha! Okay Khaled.
Granted I love my Sisters, but it's no secret that "most Africans don't like us no way." (Nas) When it comes to our Sisters from the mother land, Nigerian women don't do it for me. Quite frankly I don't like them for the simple fact that I've met about 15 in my lifetime. I'd say 14 of them were rude bitches, who hated Americans and I'd say 15 of them were all unattractive to me.
I think that if the world was truly equal and everybody had the same opportunities or went through the same hardships, the race thing wouldn't be an issue but it is. You don't believe me?Brothers go to Waco, TX and try to make a pass at some white women and see how many times it takes you to rope one in, if you don't get roped from a tree first.
I, JLB, find that there are attractive women in all ethnic groups but I have to spread a few words of advice for my Brothers who think "black is wack." Brothers, if you are going to go out and get you a WHITE WOMAN what you must do, and this is an absolute must; YOU MUST get you a WHITE WOMAN that is more attractive then any of the Sisters you could have had. You can not get a WHITE WOMAN who is average or below average in the looks department because all you do is further prove Sisters right by saying you're weak because you would rather date an average white woman than an upper echelon Sister. I guarantee you, that if you have a white woman such as the one I just described, you'll still be hated by your fellow Sisters, but it won't be because you didn't make a quality decision, it'll be because you've found one that upstages all the Sisters you know.
In closing, what made the encounter with the young Brother with the cell phone so significant is that he represents what the world should be. He likes his girl and she likes him back, what everybody else thinks doesn't matter. When you're that age you're completely oblivious to the subtle racial divides such as the best schools in the area being the white schools, which I'm sure he attends. Black, Brown, White, Yellow whatever. If it makes you happy I will never tell you to do otherwise, but I will put your ass in check if you think your avoiding "drama" or "bull crap" by dating women in another ethnic group. Ironically, what you're really doing is signing up for a different kind of drama that you're oblivious to, because you're not a member of that ethnic background. Go Obama!
I encourage everybody to leave feedback on this one because I really want to know what you all think in comparison to What JLB Thinks.
What's up kinfolk! In my absence from What JLB Thinks I've been doing some in depth thinking. For those of you who keep up with the blog and leave feedback religiously I really do appreciate the love. To show my appreciation for you all I'm going to utilize the next paragraph to blog about myself. Everything that follows will be standard protocol conversations, stories, music etc that will come together as one to form today's post.
Let's face it "I'm living two different lifes one in the day, you at night. Even though this ain't right I just can't get enough." (Songz) I'm living two different lives and I do everything I can to stay on the straight and narrow, but it's easier said than done. The more and more I try to tell myself I have to stay true to just one, the harder it is for me to stay away from the other. I mean I have time invested, years even. So I can't just quit one to give my all to the other. I'm only human. It's so easy to become complacent and it's even more easy to be tempted by the powers that be, to wake up in the middle of the night to put in work when I know that I could potentially face consequences the next morning. So I take chances such as this to lay it all out there for you all to read, to get a little more insight as to What JLB Thinks about his own personal experiences. Double dipping isn't usually my thing, but I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to continue with this life of mine and continue to stick with the years I've invested in my ever so stagnant full-time job, meanwhile flirting with my love of writing when I'm tempted...
If you thought I was talking about anything other than that, do you have a lot to learn?!?!
On a more serious note, anybody who listens to R&B has probably heard "Last Time" by Trey Songz where he sings about the love for his main lady and the lust for his side dish. Such a frequent story in music and entertainment. IT NEVER GETS OLD no matter how many people write about it. We the people, simply eat it up.
A few days ago when I was contemplating how to overcome this Comcast obstacle I got a call from one of my close friends who will remain nameless. For the sake of reference we'll call this friend of mine "X."
X calls me because X has a dilemma about Y. X and Y have been dating for a year. Didn't sound like much of a dilemma at first, but X tells me about Z who works at the same location with X and they've been flirting back and forth for months. The flirting eventually manifested into "Backseat Love," which in lamens terms means sex for all you N.E.R.Ds out there. So X and Z been getting it popping quite frequently and X wants it to end. The problem is X can't put an end to it because Z's loving is just that good. Y has no idea because X has been doing everything X has done from day one to keep Y happy. So X asked What JLB Thinks about this situation, but Y? lol...ok so what if it was corny.
First of all I think I confused myself trying to protect the innocence of my friend. But all them damn X's and Y's brought back night terrors of Algebra and I have chills lol.
Like I said earlier in the post, this is a frequent scenario in entertainment, but regular people go through these kinds of things as well.
As far as what I think, if you or anybody you know has ever been faced with this situation, the first thing you/them must do is realize that cheating is never good and you should automatically assume that because you've betrayed them, either they or the next, will do the same to you, it's called Karma.
Once you've made acquaintance with Karma and acknowledge that what has occurred is wrong, you have to decide what you want to become of the situation. Determine whether you want one of the two or whether you want them both. Yes I said both, because contrary to popular belief, you can have your cake and eat it too! What good is cake that you can't eat? The downside to the cake is its merely a snack, a dessert, if you will. It's a bonus and it isn't sufficient enough to keep you nourished.
Once you've acknowledged what you what to become of all this mess, you have to address it straight on. As a man you're probably going to want to keep your main woman because she does all the little things that make her so much more valuable than any other. As a woman, who's reading this, you're thinking, "why cheat?" if she's so valuable. Well woman, I don't have an answer for that!
Why cheat? Let me say that by no means do I condone cheating but it's a part of the game. Belichick did it, Tim Donaghy did it, it happens. What I will say in the defense of men is that men cheat, not because their woman is not good enough, but for the simple fact that the sex can be a little predictable and men enjoy the thrill of something different from what you have. I like to look at it as a nutritious diet, being faithful that is. I look at it that way because to eat right you have to be disciplined, you have to understand the long term effects of eating right, and you must not be so easily susceptible to temptation. Cheating on the other hand is just like cheating your diet. You figure a little bit here and there is unhealthy, but it won't kill you. The most tempting foods to someone on a diet can be the most addictive such as sweets and caffeine. Cheating can become addictive.
That's if you're a man of course. It's not even close to being that complex for a woman. "Women stepping out for love, men do it to cum." (Big Pooh) If a genuinely good girl cheats it is because she's fed up and there's nothing you can do about it. She's scorned, but if she's a slut or a whore or a slore (slut+whore), then she probably pulled some wool over your eyes in the beginning and led you to believe she was genuine. That's it. Women are so complex yet not so much in terms of cheating.
Now that we got why one cheats out of the way it's time to look at what you've decided you want out of the whole situation and attack it head on. If you want the cake and to eat it too, just revert to the 80/20 rule and come to grasps with the fact that it's not going to end in your favor because what goes around comes around. If you want your relationship to end, simply tell the person you want to break it off and that you rather go your separate ways because you want to enjoy the benefits of a single life. It'll benefit you in the long run. If your anything like X, you're going to be in a bit of a pickle seeing as how X wants to come off the regimen and have that devil's food every once in a while because it's so delicious. The problem with that is eventually the side dish will approach you with the inevitable, "what are we?" or my favorite "where is this going?" formerly known as the libido killers because you'll probably be asked this prior to sex, UNLESS you're a side dish to your side dish, which is rare. If you're anything like X you must cut back on the side dish drastically because its inevitable that one of you will begin to develop feelings. If you have any brains in your head the one thing you should never do, regardless of how bumpy the road has become, leave the one you've invested so much time in, for the new and more convenient person because IT NEVER WORKS OUT...NEVER!!!
In closing, there's too much at risk when you cheat. Chances are your significant other is blowing your phone up while you're out doing your dirt. You can't answer the phone because your side dish doesn't know and you don't want them to overhear nor do you want to to play the question game with your significant other who hasn't had anything to say all day but suddenly wants to talk up a storm. No matter what excuse you use it won't be good enough, and when it rolls around that those previously used excuses have become realities, your significant other won't believe you thus making the road that much more bumpy. The best thing I can say to X is chalk it up, you've had your fun, now get back to the one. That's the one that's been there, and that's the one that will be there. So don't risk throwing it all away for lust. Tell Z that it was fun while it lasted but it was strictly a physical thing.
That's What JLB Thinks
Welcome to today's edition of What JLB Thinks! Hope you all had a great weekend because I certainly did not. I spent the bulk of my weekend thinking of you all and a proper subject to kick the week off with. Me being me I was hit with this topic like a bolt of lightning from the mystical deity of Zeus himself. The topic that I am referring to is the "Double Standard."
"Don't do what I do, do what I say do" is what my dad told me once as a youngster and it has stuck with me ever since. What a huge double standard! As a kid you always want to do things that adults have told you not to do, but they're the reason you did those things in the first place.
As a man when you get older and experience relationships with women, often time the woman will justify her actions by saying you "did or said" the same thing to her. So you must let her know that she can't do what you do because you two are not the same. Double standard indeed, but that's how it has to be.
As a woman it's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious to have like a gazillion male friends who are solely "just friends." Because as women you aren't out to hump every creature of the opposite sex like your male counterparts. (This may be true...partly) But as I said as a woman you could have a gazillion male friends and even talk to your man about them and your man has to accept that because you're a woman and it's okay for a woman to have male friends. Some of which you men will never meet. Conversely, it is not okay in the eyes of a woman, for a man, more specifically HER man, to have a couple or a few female friends. If she does find it okay, she has to meet and inspect her thus she must get a feel for this "friend." ONE is pushing it, but a multiple? You can forget it because in the mind of a woman, he must be "hittin' dat!" Double standard, YET AGAIN!
Those double standards sometimes work in the favor of us males. We can live with our female counterparts having X amount of male friends because what women hate is that we can have sex with as many women we want in pursuit of Wilt's record and be idolized by those who live vicariously through our experiences. If a woman on the other hand just so happens to have sex with two men, who know each other, SHE'S A HOE! Sorry ladies, that's just how the world works. So choose your casual sex wisely young grasshoppers. Double standard.
Last but not least is a serious double standard that was the very log for this fire of a blog post. Sex or should I say the possibility of sex is a major component of the pursuit of a woman. Men don't judge women on the same things she judges a man on. A man can have the freshest of gear, the whitest of smiles, and the heart of Patch Adams but if his life isn't in order, which translates to him being at the same point the woman is in her life, "he loses." (M. Wood) If a woman isn't at the point the man is, but she's still a beautiful and intriguing individual, she still wins. To be even more specific take for instance a man expresses interest in a woman and he is unemployed, has no automobile, has multiple children, and still lives with his mother, he is deemed a LOSER or a deadbeat if you will. Now if a woman has a couple puppies, no ride, lives with mom, and is "in between jobs" she's a victim. Total double standard. Difference is the man would still give the woman a chance, but the woman rules the brother out before it begins. Double standard...but that's just What JLB Thinks
So a long time friend of mine posed the question "Do you think a person can love 2 people at the same time?" I don't know. See you next blog.
Lol, but all jokes aside, I've never thought of it until this question was thrown my way and after hours of contemplation and the deepest of sleeping on it, it is possible to love 2 people at the same time. It is possible but everybody's definition/perception of love is not the same and that is what one needs to consider when reading this.
Love should be everlasting. It's not a mood. You're happy when you get paid and you're sad when you're broke. You can't love a person when they're making you happy and not love them when they're pissing you off. Because "that ain't love, love." (LB) It is possible to love a person but no longer want to be involved with them for whatever reason that ignites the desire to part.
Everybody's definition of love is different. More often than not I hear people say "I love him/her, but I'm not in love with him/her." That statement to me is absurd. The term "in love" is something that somebody created in their mind. Usually it's WOMEN who I hear say this malarkey and they justify it by saying, "you love your mom, but you're not in love with her, so it is possible to love a person and not be in love with them. If you got married you wouldn't love your wife like you love your mom." To some degree that's true, because I'm going to have sex with my wife but I'm not going to have sex with my mom. Some people call that "making love," which I hate to inform you is not love. It's sex, which is a form of affection which is the word choice people should use when they try to distinguish how you can love your mother differently than your significant other. The love is the same but it's the affection or the way you show them you love them is what may vary. Got it? Good!
Nevertheless people view love differently. I myself feel that if you love somebody, that measurement of love should be equal to anybody else you love whether it's a friend or relative. For instance I like to keep my personal stuff out of my blogs but let me give you an example of what I mean. I love my grandmothers and my mother which means, that under no circumstance will I leave them hanging out to dry nor will I ever tell them that I can't do something for them when I can nor will I ever say that I no longer love them because of something that they did or said to me regardless of how bad it may have been. The love will always be there. Now the average Joe or Josephine would say well JLB the love you have for them is different then if you met a woman you grew to love her. And i would say that that average person, that's where you are wrong. Because everything I just said applies to my closest friends and any woman that I would perk my lips to say, I love. If I say I love a person, whoever it is, it means that I would do anything I could to help them and if it meant that I had to sacrifice my life to spare theirs, I would. But the fact that everybody views love differently is what makes this such a broad topic.
Now that I've gotten that out the way I say it is possible to love 2 people at the same time based on my definition of love. My definition doesn't have a caste system that states X gets this type of love, Y gets that type of love and Z gets a little bit of both. For it to be like that would be ridiculous. I said it's possible to love 2 people at the same time but the circumstance under which the probability of loving 2 people at the same time would occur, is totally dependent upon the individual and their behavioral patterns. If you're the type to "network" as somebody mentioned in the comment section of the SPRING FEVER blog, then I could see how that could happen. Networking meaning you date several people simultaneously, to hold a "try-out" if you will. Then it's probable that if you like 2 people equally and you invest just as much time in one as the other then the probability is very high. Especially if you can't make a decision on who of the two, is going to be that "one" for you.
The same could be said if you're transitioning from a failed relationship into anew. Love should be everlasting so that feeling of love, if it's true love will never dissolve, all those other feelings such as whether or not you're attracted to them mentally, sexually, or what have you, would probably be non-existent but you would still love that person...but that's just What JLB Thinks
Here's a song about love that I'd like to share
Anybody who knows me knows that much of what I write is a collaborative work of stories I've been told, conversations I've been pulled into, and what I try to keep to a minimum, personal experience. There's too much at "stake like Philly" (Jay-Z) for me to give specific life experiences, so I generalize things. REMEMBER THAT PEOPLE! I'm not disclaiming anymore blogs from this day forth. What I do is make an effort to honor the commitment on my home page and write entertaining and informative pieces. With that being said I'd like to dive into this post that goes into detail about how to properly take...a...dump.
First thing you do once you have a seat on the toilet--
Now now don't get your panties in a bunch, I'm kidding. What I mean by how to properly take a dump is getting over a recently ended relationship. And by ending I mean, not by you, henceforth, a "dump." DUMP in the sense that this relationship lasted a significant amount of time (over six months) you were faithful but for some reason got cancelled like "Homeboys in Outer Space."
Being dumped is no an easy task to handle, especially, if you Love that person. But Love is for suckers anyways. If you were in Like with that person and they break your heart by ending the relationship you have to acknowledge the situation, understand the situation and shake loose.
The first thing you need to do after being released from your relationship is acknowledge the fact that (1) you're not dreaming (2) you've been sent and (3) it's actually over. I know that sounds harsh but more often than not I hear about people who are in denial about being let go and still think that they are still "with" that person, even after they embarrassed them on the jumbo-tron at the Arena Football game. Let's face it, no matter how high of a horse you once rode on, nobody is exempt from the taxation of getting that ass dumped, that's real shit. So once you cleanse your soul of denial and realize that "no you are not tripping" and "yes your loved/liked one did just tell you that they no longer want to be with you" you're already off on the good foot. Now that you have acknowledged the situation, it's time to get a better understanding of it.
"M-A-R-Y-H-O-W-C-O-U-L-D-Y-O-U-B-E-S-O-C-R-U-E-L-T-O-M-E-M-Y love" (Musiq) They say it's not what you say but how you say it. Once you've acknowledged the fact that you've been dumped, you have to get an understanding of the situation and you could play yourself (for my white readers, that's negro for embarrass yourself) if you're not careful how you seek for clarity. You don't want to be all teary eyed and asking "WHYYYYYY????" That doesn't make the situation any better, you got to have a level head and step outside of the situation like a complete stranger and try to get an understanding of the situation so you'll know if it's something you can work through, or if your significant other would even want to work through it. Gather your emotions, try to speak without being hysterical or interrogative and just listen to all that your significant other has to say because you may learn some things that you never knew initially. [Here comes the breakdown]
Fellas, let me start with you first! Because you (we) take longer to comprehend these things. Usually Fellas, if the woman breaks up with you it can be only one of two reasons if not both. (a) She's fed up with your crap and her FEELINGS, (women are all about feelings) can no longer handle it or (b) There's another man who shows that potential to treat her as good if not better than you did in the early stages. The crap in letter (a) I'm referring to is the shit that you do that ya'll argue about constantly that never seems to end, whether it be you not showing enough FEELINGS (because women are all about feelings) or you not appreciating her (which is also a FEELING) up to her standards. In a nutshell it's something that you do that she can't put up with anymore. Letter (a) has the tendency to lead to letter (b) because she has faith that you'll clean up your act and that faith gets lost. God forbid if letter (b) is the case, and there is another man, you may as well GET LOST and start sending out some resumes. One thing I know and that is women are utterly unlike men in the sense that they don't leave their men (especially if he's a good man) for another man, unless she has already broke him off "a lil somethin somethin" and feels guilty about it. TRUST. I don't know many men that are attracted to a woman the same after finding out she gave the goodies that once had his name on it, to another. Can I get an Amen? Put your money in the plate.
Ladies, let me put you up on something. The general population of men will tolerate all those things that make you unbearable as long as deep down inside he knows your a keeper. Which contrary to popular belief isn't necessarily a good thing. This isn't necessarily a good thing because if you are a keeper and you are too much for his sanity to handle, he won't dump you, he'll just cheat on you. Sorry it's the way the world works. No sense in relinquishing a keeper to those hounds mentioned in the post about "Spring Fever." Like the old saying goes "It's cheaper to Keep Her." But this post is about dumping, so, Ladies if you are the dumpee in this case, there's only one reason. The L word. Yes it is possible for a man to experience the bloody L word...Lust. [I can hear you gasping, don't gasp] Yes you thought I was going to say love, FOOLED YOU! Snoop set the standard in '94 about Love. So yes my precious Ladies, if a man breaks up with you Lust is the reason. His lust for another woman or multiple women is what sparked his recent termination for you. Ok ok, I'll admit, the other L word, Love has something to do with it too! He loves you that much, that he won't allow his lust for other women, to allow him to be an infidel to you therefore he severs the ties so that he can "technically" be single when he's "sowing his royal oats" or soiling his royal oaks as my good friend likes to say. Laugh Out Loud. Now I know what your thinking, "so according to JLB I'm not a keeper?" Absolutely! You are not my dear. No seriously, you very well could be a keeper, but he's the true keeper, because he cared enough to end it than to do you wrong. Keep him honey! Well...you can't, I guess, but that's why I'm here. Let him go, if he truly is a keeper like I'm telling you he is, he'll come clawing back at the screen do' (door) when it gets cold outside and the pussycats are no longer in heat. TRUST.
So once you've realized that either he or she is or is not a keeper it's time to shake loose. By this point you're aware that it's over and you have a better understanding of what is going on. Shaking loose is the most difficult part in properly taking a dump. To shake loose you have to no longer want to be with that person. In most cases the dumpee doesn't want it to end just yet. Whether that's the case or not, you can not, let me repeat this, CAN NOT, continue to engage in sexual activities after you break up. Once they go, the sex needs to go with it. What it does is provide a false sense of hope that things are still good and are heading back to how it used to be, which is possible, but it's like a 1/5 chance that that's the case. No relationship, no sex and if you're a woman you hold the upper hand in this scenario because the flip side to a man sowing his oats is that he's taking on several personalities and several menstrual cycles, and when he can't get none, he's going to be nostalgic of the times ya'll "made like" when he hears your favorite slow song. Once it reaches that point Ladies, winter begins. If the reason for the split is because of another, then the only thing that's going to soothe the pain is for somebody deserving of all that you bring to the table to lick those wounds. The more you sit and reminisce the harder it is to cope and the farther back you slide into denial of the fact that it's over, which we accomplished in step one. If the reason for "The Departed" was because of something you did, you need to do some soul searching and work on some things back at home.
The best thing about getting dumped (I know that sounds weird to say) is that it gives you new perspectives on a lot of things. It could be new people, new lifestyles, or new ways to problem solve...but that's just What JLB Thinks
Birds are chirping, mowers are mowing, cars are being washed, kids are skipping school, and Rita's Water Ice is back open. This can only mean one thing (dun dun dun) Spring Is Here! The leaves are fuller, the weather is warmer and if there is one thing that Spring is indicative of, its rebirth.
Spring means a fresh start or an old ending however you want to look at it. Although it may not be officially the first day of Spring, but Spring has arrived. Baseball season has started, NBA Playoff spots are set, and relationships are being put to the test by nothing more than the Spring Fever.
For those of you who aren't familiar with Spring Fever let me put you on game. Spring is when the weather breaks, when people (particularly people with vaginas) come out of hibernation. So as a man you get a whiff of what you've been missing during those wintry months. As a man in a relationship, I don't give a rat's titty how faithful you THINK you are, you are definitely put to the test once spring hits. When Spring breaks, it means that Summer's "on its way and these hoes are doing sit-ups" (Kanye). Spring is literally the preseason to Summer and Summer is when it things get their hottest. And everybody knows what sites there are to see when Summer arrives.
Conversely, men aren't the only animals in the concrete jungle that become diagnosed with Spring Fever. Women are effected too! In the eyes of women, Christmas has passed, Valentine's Day is a faint memory and you start to realize "Damn! Ain't no more holidays coming up that require I get a gift, I may actually have to do some work in this relationship." Which sadly for those gold digging women means it's time to pack up and rack up (on men) for the Summer.
Spring Fever can most easily be detected in the increasing number of buns in the oven walking through your town...pregnant women. All those people who had nothing better to do when they were snowed in, had sex like professionals, and bring a new meaning to "procreation." Another indication that Spring Fever has struck is the increasing number of break-ups you see and hear about. The women are finally coming out to the clubs and to the parks to get their run on (to get ready for Summer) and men are noticing, hollering, "gettin' da digits" even. When the bitchy nags are at an all time high and those men who once cared no longer are concerned with her complaints because Draft Day is approaching and he's got a few prospects that he's scouted for the upcoming season. The same can be said about women, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" and these scorned women who gave your sorry ass a second chance when you bought her an HDTV for Christmas so you could benefit from it the most, are considering the hounds who have noticed her recent emergence from hibernation and are howling each time she struts her stuff out on the town.
Did I mention Spring means NBA playoffs? With that being said in conjunction with the increasing number of break-ups, women are being snatched off the rebound left and right because vulnerability is peaking. So fellas, keep an eye out because if there is one thing that I brand named, that I stand behind, that I guarantee, is this: No Woman Has Nobody and don't you ever believe otherwise. Especially women in the Spring! Every woman you have ever met in your adulthood and will continue to meet until your "out the game" has a man stashed away some place. What his significance to her is, may vary from woman to woman, but you believe this like you believe in whoever it is you pray to at night NO WOMAN HAS NOBODY. She may tell you this because she may have already took heed of his nearing contract expiration and may be shopping the market, ie YOU and don't want to scare you off by making you think you're going to be no. 2 or live in the next man's shadow. Ladies, the same can said about men so I'm not giving away all your secrets don't worry.
I myself, love the Spring for all those reasons listed above and am about to get the wheels waxed and that's that! for What JLB Thinks
An old college buddy of mine once told me "I wish I can have a girl that don't nag and just leave me the hell alone," I told buddy, "Good luck! Because you'll never find that."
Nagging is an innate characteristic of all women just as being a dog is an innate trait of all men. Although all women Nag and all men are dogs, it is a certain degree of nagging that men should be concerned with and the what breed of dog that women should be concerned with.
There are 3 types of nagging that a woman can deviate from at any given moment to unleash a mind boggling combo on that ass.
1. There is the "I don't want to bother you but..." or the Slippery nag. This form of nagging usually is subtle and typically deals with minute things such as the toilet seat being left up or the garbage not being taken out at the MOST RANDOM moments of the day. Many men are numb to this form of nagging but I call this the Slippery Nag because when you undergo this form of nag you may not recognize that your even being nagged because she's trying to deter your attention away from something she has done and doesn't want you to find out such as her pooting. This can also occur once she has detected your numbness then she'll deviate from the Slippery Nag and goes to number 2.
2. Then there's the "Your not showing me enough attention" or the Spoil Me Nag. This form of nagging occurs usually as a result of number one but can sometimes occur because your woman like all woman want 100% of your undivided attention 75% of the time. You may experience this when your playing video games, watching sports/deportes/ESPN/ESPN DEPORTES or pretty much anything involving sports or something she knows you love but doesn't know anything about. If you have a compromising woman she will make attempts to learn about these things you love so that she can have 100% of your undivided attention the other 25% of the time when you once experienced peace of mind without her. If you don't like your lady like that to spend every waking moment with her, it's safe to say don't teach her anything so she'll just be upset when your in this zone and she'll creme herself over a Lifetime movie about a woman whose man wasn't paying her enough attention and she thinks he's cheating, so as a result she kills him.
3. Finally the least favorite of them all, the "I'm feeling like a real bitch today and nobody gives a fuck so I'll worry you" or the Bitchy Nag. This type nag is unavoidable and it's like a tornado drill - head for a room with no glass or windows and take cover. This is usually the one that throw men for the biggest loops. Here he is jumping through hoops like the show poodle you always wanted him to be and whether it be PMS, somebody at work, school, or in your family that has said or did something to piss you off (usually your mother who you get this shit from) and guess what happens to show puppy? No more Scooby Snax for you pooch because lil mama's ready to rumble. This is also the form of nagging that usually drive men to the bottle, the ganja, to their boys' house, or to another woman's house because he has nothing to do with your foul mood, yet you want to burden him with your bullshit. As your man he does assume some responsibility to listen to you vent, but not when your venting, and in mid-vent, you shut the air off and turn the heat on him to nag about things he started, but hasn't finished (because he can't now that your interrupting to scold him) or things you told him to do that he just didn't do because he hasn't got a chance to yet. Sadly there's nothing that a man can really do in this situation except for eat it. Take it on the chin and hope she doesn't knock you out, literally. Feel her fury, listen to her lectures, and once she exhausts all her energy and exits, do yourself a favor and at least attempt to do some of those things she cried about. Then you can get back to doing whatever it is you were doing before the severe weather warning. This is the safe bet because if you have any kind of fuzz on your peaches and you told her how much of a bitch she was being (one of the few times you can get away with using the "B" word, that scarlet letter) without actually calling her a bitch. What you can say is that she's being bitchy or she's bitching and after the the storm settles and the dust clears, if she's a sensible woman she'll be apologetic to you and tell you why she was being a bitch. If she's a keeper she'll even admit to being a bitch during that moment and will be eager to reward you for being so "understanding."
I'm not a big fan of referring to women as bitches but where would a dog be without a bitch right? Chasing his horny little tail, that's where!
This post was in response to a special request by my good friend and and we all can learn something from this...but that's just What JLB Thinks.
"Baby, How Do I Look?" How often have you heard that one fellas? Like once or twice...an hour? I'm really placing the family jewels on the table with this post for all the fellas. Since this has the potential to be my last blog post because I foresee pissing a lot of women off, I want to revert back to my thank you message atop my home page. Welp, now that we got that out the way, let's get down to business.
The picture posted above that you may or may not have seen before, is Picasso's "Girl Before a Mirror," painted in 1932. Picasso was 50 years old at the time and to no suprise, had circled the block many of time, this I am sure of. This portrait stood out to me as if it was to say "Baby, How do I look?" for the umpteenth time before she went out on her date. The portrait is an abstract and that describes women to the T. Abstract. What makes women so abstract is the fact that they so desperately crave for attention and will do anything possible to attract men, whether it be wearing a whore's uniform, raiding the MAC counter, forking her hair to one side, or flat out going under the knife. (::wagging my index finger:: BUT DON'T YOU TELL HER THAT!) What makes it so ironic is that all those things only make men attracted to the physical aspects...your outer booty, not your inner beauty if you will. But in the aforementioned statement I said women are abstract which means they can only be truly appreciated intellectually.
Women are such leeches for attention that they will stoop to the lowest of lows and the most contrasting of contradictions so they're not the odd women out. What I mean by this is, it's a little to known fact that women like to experience things together (together meaning during the same time of their lives) whether it be losing their virginity, getting pregnant, and our favorite destination to avoid on the I-95 of life, marriage. No woman wants to be 30 and all her 30 year old girlfriends are married. For one she's going to cry at each ceremony not because it's a joyous occasion but because she's jealous. Two it makes her think "what is it about me that's preventing my man from wanting to tie the knot?" But marriage is an entirely different blog post to come, this is about attention and the fact that women crave for it. So now that we know women like things to happen at the same point in their lives, no woman likes to sit in her office (providing she has a job) and hear about a coworker (who she talks shit about everyday...to you might I add) who is doing something in her life that your woman has not already experienced. And if EVERY woman in the office is going through it my brother, well u may as well tie that $300 Gucci Belt around ur neck and become your very own piece of "Strange Fruit" because you will have to hear about it until it's no longer the talk of the office. The same is to be said if you hear about your woman's cohorts that receive flowers on occasion at the job, and she's not the woman at the office getting flowers. She's going to make certain that you have to hear about it, even if she tells you on your first date that she doesn't even like flowers and that they are "stupid," to say the least. It's not your fault fellas because she did tell you that she doesn't like flowers, and no, you are not crazy. What she should have said is she doesn't like to receive flowers in private. ALL WOMEN LIKE TO RECEIVE FLOWERS PUBLICLY. Why do you think you see that same annoying ass dude with the Roses during every nightclub let-out!?!? She may not have a green thumb on either of her hands and that $120 bouquet may wither within 2 days of her setting it on the dining table; as long as somebody else got to see the spectacle, and comment on how "sweet" you were for sending them, she'll love the shit out of those flowers and its soil, even if she hates flowers.
The fact that you crave attention is not your fault ladies, I don't blame you. Especially not the ladies of 2008. Not my Celebrity Fit Club, Flavor of Love, America's Next Top Model (ANTM) addicted women of 2008. No way Jose! How could I? The world that you live in is saturated with images to not only make you feel like shit, but convince you, in a way that a man could never convince you to do some of those things he saw Mr. Marcus do; but CONVINCE you and your lying eyes, that you are not as beautiful as those shown on TV. While your patiently waiting for your turn to thumb the clicker, she's being brainwashed by ads for Covergirl and Loreal thinking "maybe I wasn't born with it, maybe I need" Maybelline. All Viacom wants to do is show you how beautiful you can be if you do like the women on these shows and show you that there's a bit of stardom to be attained from it all. I'm not going to blast ANTM or any of those other shows because what we as men realize, that women sometimes lose sight of, is that those shows are solely intended for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. How else can Miss Gay Alexander, a BLACK MAN dressed as a woman, seriously tell a white woman and a sprinkle of sisters what a man will like? I know I know it's "reality TV," but reality TV is by no means a reality, especially if your black. Otherwise they wouldn't edit the episodes you see. So lets not think that we as men rather have a woman that looks like the women she's jealous of on TV, because she's the one that's jealous, not us! Sure we as men may fantasize about Kerry Washington, and Angela Lola Luv but that doesn't mean we appreciate them intellectually, because they're not as abstract as you, BABY.
Ladies! If we thought you didn't look presentable we would tell you. Because believe it or not, you are a representation of your man. And he knows that! Which is why if he never takes you out my dear, NEWS FLASH! This Just In...He's not your man! You may think he is, but he's not! You are not who he wants to be represented by when he steps out there in the public eye. You don't need to ask your man "Baby, How Do I Look?" because he will be the first person to tell you that your cute little Tiffany's bracelet looks a hell of a lot better with that blouse than that hideous Juicy Couture charm bracelet that you love to wear because you seen Kimora Lee's fat-neck-ass wearing it. It's not that we don't care how you look, but it's more like we don't care to the degree that you care, how you look. We know what your crusty eyed, dooby wrap wearing, foundation-less face looks like when your head hits/bounces off that pillow each night and day. So as long as you made a conscious effort and you don't look like Macy Gray, baby you're ok! More than likely we are content, but to you, we seem like we "don't care."
Fellas! Just because I have enlightened the ladies doesn't mean that you keep on doing what you're doing, make the conscious effort to tell your lady she looks good in that get-up (before she asks you). This way the both of you are just one "teency weency" step towards understanding each other a little better...but that's just What JLB Thinks
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