Back For The Title

I've been taking a lot of heat as of late regarding my lack of updates to the blog.

To all of my faithful readers, welcome back. To any new readers I have acquired, thank you for logging on. Be prepared to read something you're going to love or completely disagree with. That's kind of how it goes around here. With that said I like to dive into a topic I'll call "back for the title."

I remember about a year ago a few of my coworkers and I were having a conversation about the necessity of a "title" or "label" when you're involved with someone. The votes were about 50/50. This topic always makes for good conversation because in my experience, it's rare that women and men see eye to eye on it. Titles are forms of ownership and are unnecessary once you've had ample experience, except for in legal partnerships.

In my survey of how women feel about this topic, they usually say something along the lines of "Titles signify that he's committed to you" or "Titles signify that he's mine and nobody else's." I always rebut with something like "Isn't that something you get for a car? A title? To signify that it's yours and nobody else's? So your BOYfriend is your property? That's not very flattering." I certainly don't want to be considered any woman's property. When I ask men about how they feel about this topic, they usually say things like "Titles are just reasons for her to get jealous and start policing me" or "A title is a way for her to 'lock me down.'" The one thing I noticed that seems to intersect in both women and men's opinions is that the title, to a woman, means the man is locked down and she's the warden. Theoretically that's what it means but it's no secret men cheat, women cheat, people cheat. That title does not guarantee that your significant other won't cheat. What it does guarantee (women care more about this) is that if a man does something you're not pleased with you can call him out on it because he's your BOYfriend or your property, how ever you want to look at it. Old folks would say "you date to marry." Simple yet profound. It is very possible for two people to date, develop a strong foundation, and work towards the ultimate goal because they have an understanding. The title doesn't define your involvement with somebody the standards and expectations you set with each other is what defines it.

When I was a little boy back in Philly, any girl I thought was pretty who liked me back was essentially my GIRLfriend (heavy emphasis on GIRL). During these same years my Mom-Mom had a MAN (heavy emphasis on MAN). His name was Mr. School Boy (no bullshit). Mr. School Boy was his moniker. To this day I don't know what his real name is. If my memory serves me correct, I think his last name was Gamble. Which ironically is fitting considering the topic at hand. Any time you get involved with someone, you're taking a gamble. A gamble that they will respect you, be truthful, and faithful. My Mom-Mom never in all my childhood years referred to Mr. School Boy as her BOYfriend. Never. He was always referred to as her friend. The two of them had that understanding and had set expectations for their relationship. For me I knew it was more because I had friends but none of my friends of the opposite sex could stay over and if they did come over to play we couldn't lock the door, or close it for that matter. So it wasn't until I had a few relationships under my belt that I understood that she was a woman, his woman. Mr. School Boy was a man, her man. They just dropped the boy/girl title. It seems as if older individuals do this more than younger individuals. When I say older I mean late 20s to 30+. Why is this? It is because once you've had several relationships and they don't bloom into a marriage, the idea of a label becomes less significant. What becomes more significant is the foundation that the relationship is built upon and the potential, if any to grow into something more than bf/gf. After all once you grow wiser and you've had several failed relationships or worse, a failed marriage, the idea of a BOY or GIRLfriend seems a bit juvenile and pointless. When you file taxes how does the IRS identify your relationship status? Single, Married, Divorced, and Widowed. Yet Facebook, the website for "young people" acknowledges Single, In a Relationship, In an Open Relationship, It's Complicated, Engaged and Married.

My mom would always say "if you ain't got ring on, you're single and trust a woman will always carry it that way if ya'll ain't planning to get married. Because all women want to get married." When two people have legally become paired or unpaired, those are the only relationship titles in life that matter the most. The most important aspects of a relationship are not how other people can refer to your involvement with somebody else but what the two of you have built and the direction the two of you want to go, and that's What JLB Thinks.