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The Briliant Mr. Bentley *SPONSORED by DatPiff.com*
"Curtain Call" video Premiere. Little Brother's 1st single from their final album "Left Back." This song just feels "Sooo Goood."
Lupe performs "Paris, Tokyo" live from the House of Blues in Atlantic City, NJ on 4/8/10.
Lupe Fiasco performs "Superstar" live at the House of Blues in Atlantic City, NJ on 4/8/10.
On the eve of the sequel to the only Tyler Perry flick I loved, "Why Did I Get Married," came the idea of: Why DIDN'T I Get Married? In the movie "Why Did I Get Married" 4 couples go on a retreat, all of which are married with their own set of issues and realize what is necessary to make their relationships work. I was planning to get married at one point, but I realized to make a relationship flourish there needs to be communication, honesty, and intimacy.
Communication is key. I would argue that communication is the number one reason why relationships fail. Too often are two individuals compelled to each other but they can't express themselves appropriately. This comes from any number of reasons. The inability to appropriately express can stem from being rejected in the past, arguments stemming from expression or being able to be blunt in the past. Nobody likes rejection. It's discouraging to express yourself if you fear an argument will ensue. Arguments are healthy as long as both parties listen and offer their piece. If you're accustomed to being blunt in expressing yourself and your new companion isn't accustomed to receiving blunt statements it can cause the communication to break down. No matter how you choose to communicate both parties have to come to an agreement on what's the best way to communicate to the other. At the end of the day if the line of communication is broken, it becomes difficult to be honest or to believe in your partner.
Honesty is the best policy. It's so cliche but it's so true. If you can't be honest in a relationship, it's destined for failure. The problem with honesty is the fact that the truth hurts (also cliche). Nobody wants to be hurt and not many people want to hurt someone they care about by being honest. Therefore we as people lie to our partner or lie to ourselves, to protect our fragile egos and hearts. Nobody likes to be told about themselves, especially from somebody they care about. It's a tough pill to swallow when the one person you have in your life by choice, is ripping you apart for your shortcomings etc. This ties into the aforementioned communication factor. It needs to be clear HOW to be honest to your partner. If not, your words will be consistently taken out of context. That in itself has a domino effect which ultimately can make one feel that they can't be honest. Honesty and trust go hand-in-hand. If the two of you can be honest in such a way it doesn't seem intentionally hurtful it's easier to trust that person and grow with them.
Intimacy is just as important as communication and honesty. It's also the trickiest aspect. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship and the intimacy factor is nonexistent. You can honestly communicate your feelings for someone all day everyday and it will hold little to no weight if it isn't expressed through various forms of intimacy. It could be hugging, kissing, cuddling, sex, or any number of intimate gestures. These gestures often have a positive effect and help reaffirm the your value within the relationship. Women often recognize how serious the intimacy factor is better than men. Men typically only take heed of the need for sex. If both parties recognize but from different perspectives it can have a negative effect. For instance if the communication has failed or the man is being dishonest, women have the tendency to withhold the sexual aspect of being intimate. Depending on the man, it could drive him outside the relationship, but not always. If a woman isn't honest or doesn't communicate why she's withholding from being intimate, it could be misinterpreted. For example, it could be interpreted as she is no longer interested in being intimate or worse, she's getting that else where and neither may be the case. Intimacy always adds another dynamic to a relationship, which is why when this dynamic is missing, the relationship takes a turn for the worse majority of the time. If either party has an issue in this department, they need to communicate and be honest to prevent the relationship from going in reverse.
If you haven't seen "Why Did I Get Married" you should see it before you see "Why Did I Get Married Too." Tyler Perry did an excellent job in the first movie conveying how communication, honesty, and intimacy all tie into the greater success for a marriage. I don't know what his inspiration for the movies were but after my own experience, seeing others, and watching this movie for the umpteenth time, I realized that Communication, Honesty, and Intimacy are all equally important in ANY relationship...And that's What JLB Thinks.
Miss Amerykah is back at it again with this new vid! It's...interesting. BABY GOT BACK too!
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I've been taking a lot of heat as of late regarding my lack of updates to the blog.
To all of my faithful readers, welcome back. To any new readers I have acquired, thank you for logging on. Be prepared to read something you're going to love or completely disagree with. That's kind of how it goes around here. With that said I like to dive into a topic I'll call "back for the title."
I remember about a year ago a few of my coworkers and I were having a conversation about the necessity of a "title" or "label" when you're involved with someone. The votes were about 50/50. This topic always makes for good conversation because in my experience, it's rare that women and men see eye to eye on it. Titles are forms of ownership and are unnecessary once you've had ample experience, except for in legal partnerships.
In my survey of how women feel about this topic, they usually say something along the lines of "Titles signify that he's committed to you" or "Titles signify that he's mine and nobody else's." I always rebut with something like "Isn't that something you get for a car? A title? To signify that it's yours and nobody else's? So your BOYfriend is your property? That's not very flattering." I certainly don't want to be considered any woman's property. When I ask men about how they feel about this topic, they usually say things like "Titles are just reasons for her to get jealous and start policing me" or "A title is a way for her to 'lock me down.'" The one thing I noticed that seems to intersect in both women and men's opinions is that the title, to a woman, means the man is locked down and she's the warden. Theoretically that's what it means but it's no secret men cheat, women cheat, people cheat. That title does not guarantee that your significant other won't cheat. What it does guarantee (women care more about this) is that if a man does something you're not pleased with you can call him out on it because he's your BOYfriend or your property, how ever you want to look at it. Old folks would say "you date to marry." Simple yet profound. It is very possible for two people to date, develop a strong foundation, and work towards the ultimate goal because they have an understanding. The title doesn't define your involvement with somebody the standards and expectations you set with each other is what defines it.
When I was a little boy back in Philly, any girl I thought was pretty who liked me back was essentially my GIRLfriend (heavy emphasis on GIRL). During these same years my Mom-Mom had a MAN (heavy emphasis on MAN). His name was Mr. School Boy (no bullshit). Mr. School Boy was his moniker. To this day I don't know what his real name is. If my memory serves me correct, I think his last name was Gamble. Which ironically is fitting considering the topic at hand. Any time you get involved with someone, you're taking a gamble. A gamble that they will respect you, be truthful, and faithful. My Mom-Mom never in all my childhood years referred to Mr. School Boy as her BOYfriend. Never. He was always referred to as her friend. The two of them had that understanding and had set expectations for their relationship. For me I knew it was more because I had friends but none of my friends of the opposite sex could stay over and if they did come over to play we couldn't lock the door, or close it for that matter. So it wasn't until I had a few relationships under my belt that I understood that she was a woman, his woman. Mr. School Boy was a man, her man. They just dropped the boy/girl title. It seems as if older individuals do this more than younger individuals. When I say older I mean late 20s to 30+. Why is this? It is because once you've had several relationships and they don't bloom into a marriage, the idea of a label becomes less significant. What becomes more significant is the foundation that the relationship is built upon and the potential, if any to grow into something more than bf/gf. After all once you grow wiser and you've had several failed relationships or worse, a failed marriage, the idea of a BOY or GIRLfriend seems a bit juvenile and pointless. When you file taxes how does the IRS identify your relationship status? Single, Married, Divorced, and Widowed. Yet Facebook, the website for "young people" acknowledges Single, In a Relationship, In an Open Relationship, It's Complicated, Engaged and Married.
My mom would always say "if you ain't got ring on, you're single and trust a woman will always carry it that way if ya'll ain't planning to get married. Because all women want to get married." When two people have legally become paired or unpaired, those are the only relationship titles in life that matter the most. The most important aspects of a relationship are not how other people can refer to your involvement with somebody else but what the two of you have built and the direction the two of you want to go, and that's What JLB Thinks.
To ease my transition back into keeping an up-to-date blog, I'm going to post some vids from my Blueprint 3 Tour Experience, hope ya'll enjoy!!!!
To ease my transition back into keeping an up-to-date blog, I'm going to post some vids from my Blueprint 3 Tour Experience, hope ya'll enjoy!!!!
To ease my transition back into keeping an up-to-date blog, I'm going to post some vids from my Blueprint 3 Tour Experience, hope ya'll enjoy!!!!
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